a new light

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today i shed tears of joy when i saw a patient who received a second chance to life… to pee (lame attempt to be funny).

i used to unable to stomach the sneering wit of this patient. at some point i secretly avoid taking him in as he just annoys me with his every mockery of the (free) service/treatment he is receiving, from the “cheap” chairs, brand of tea, to just about anything. on a side note, and in my defence, i am not solo in this repugnance. he is just that kind who gets under everyones skin. took almost a year to get used to.

then today i heard he got the “call” days ago and is doing well after a transplant. i was not instantaneously ecstatic but i was happy. sadly, work does not give you enough time to linger on an emotion and so i thought i had no time to celebrate the good news. but when he dropped by at the middle of our shift i jump out of my chair, gave him a hug and we both were teary eyed while he told me how everything is still like a blur to him up until now.

my own reaction surprised me, this is not my “pet” patient and i am surely not his. maybe it is just without doubt i love what i do and moments like this helps me thrive after such an annus horribilis at work. otherwise it will be easy for me to just turn my back and find something else or go somewhere else. allow me to moan and you’ll find yourself innately screaming “enough already” as i can give you a litany of the painstakingly stressful ordeal a nurse, like me, deal with on a daily basis. but it only takes one good news. or just one nice patient (the kind who will literally unwrap and fed you a lolly after you have declined more than twice to eat what she is offering because you have your dirty hands full and that stopping even for a second seems impossible).

i love as much as i hate. same as i delight as much as i mourn. but this is why i am still here. this is who i am. and this is what makes me feel alive.

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