a poor girl’s predicament

my heart, my mind and my bank account are playing tug of war.

late last year my dear brother has already informed me of his and his partner’s plan of blessing their union with the holy matrimony. they have been living together for years, just before my five year old nephew was born. this will be the family’s first wedding, he being the second child and me being the still-single-elder-sibling. he is the only boy. i came home last year, my first yet to date. and since then i still have not fully recovered financially due to series of not-so-unfurtunate events and my usually not-so-frugal lifestyle.

so the dilemma. i can go home as my leave, though given the short notice was approved miraculously. i can afford the plane ticket, but that’s just it. but then i do not need to do anything else. i can only stay at home all the while and i am ok with that. i thought of just being practical, the plane fare can do so much with the wedding preparations. and then just carry on with the original plan of going home next year on longer number of days compared to my first return to homeland.

right this very moment i am torn. either way i feel i will somehow regret. though not being there on such a momentous event with the family weighs heavier right now. i wish for miracle. right now, i believe that money will solve everything. if only i will win the lotto.