this will be a reminder of the seven years i would lay on the grass worry free of snakes… yes New Zealand is. In a few days i’m moving to Melbourne, Australia and i hope i’ll get to crawl, sit and roll over the ground and never meet any of the (at least) 140 species of the venomous creature. So help me God.
My current state of heart (inspired by the empowering text written and published by the great Portuguese Author, José Micard Teixeira)
I’ve never been someone who puts other people’s perception of me above my own or my family’s. I do not breathe to please.
I noticed I have simply lost the patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature.
I no longer waste time on anything that irritates me, or simply anything that connotes negativity.
And though I was never a crowd pleaser, I found no desire to be liked by those who do not like me, loved by those who does not love me, nor smile to those who do not want to smile at me.
I shy away from people who lie or want to manipulate and people with inflexible personalities. I do not want to be in the same room with, nor even wants to hear anything that plays pretense, embodies hypocrisy, and dishonesty.
I find it harder to stand pedantry nor any form of arrogance and most certainly uncomfortable with any kind of gossiping, coercion and comparisons.
To me there is no thin line between loyalty and betrayal.
And though I get along with people who know how to give compliments and word of encouragement, exaggerations give me the creeps.
I do things for my own pleasure with absolutely no regard to cheap praise. I have not become arrogant (I do not have a reason to be). I just simply found a new freedom. Freedom to anything that waste my time and does not deserve my patience.
i’ve decided i have no bloody clue.
All I know I stumbled upon this side of cyberspace because of my love for reading. Then the raw emotions got me hooked and eventually found myself narrating my own.
I do not want to admit that I am writing to escape, but I do find myself here whenever I am jubilant or experiencing inner havoc. Maybe it is an escape. Or an expression. Or just plain boredom.
Thus my “what is this about” reads:
the metamorphosis of every experience into literature. my haven when life gives me the middle finger. the chronicles of simple cosmic events. a witness to every orgasm. for all intent and purposes, this is a story of my life this is what will bring me back and somehow will remember me by. this is where i will bleed and heal. it will be manic and depression evil twins combine. --- i have labile spontaneous erratic thoughts and emotions. i have occasional thought salad. it will be i, me and myself. so consider yourself warned.
If we were playing flash cards, and you show me inspiration without batting an eyelash I would utter “mom and pop”
though it may sound biased, let us just say i am one grateful daughter who in spite of living in a rather harsh world, i get to experience everyday what love should be like. they are not perfect, just enough kind of cool, not too strict and not too liberated. a perfect combo of lovers slash partners.
they spent days holding hands
exchanging naughty smiles in public places
he would whisper swiftly into her ears,
a soft voice that makes her heart ring
his slightest touch in her skin,
a silent scream for yearning
it seemed like there were no days, and time stood still
everything was wondrous, too good to be true
she was broken, he was beyond repair
they were happy together, together they only long to be
on the day she had to leave
he texted her while they were in the car
“will you come back”
“yes” she replied
by then they had fallen,
and knew instantaneously that yes this is a future heartbreak
My Best Friend
Black and White
Thick and furry
Fast as the wind
Always in a hurry
Couple of spots
Rub my ears
Always comes his name he hears
Loves his ball it’s his favorite thing
What’s most fun for him? Everything!
Great big tongue that licks my face
Has a crate his very own space
Big brown eyes like moon pies
He’s my friend till the very end!
© Abby Jenkins
Taken after my pompom’s first haircut… boy that was too short for my liking. I learned to give specific instruction to the groomer since then. This is also one of the rare moments I get to snap a close up, he rarely keeps still and these days he looks away just before I get the shot.
Thorns may hurt you, men desert you, sunlight turn to fog;
but you’re never friendless ever, if you have a dog.
you go to a place and they take you in.
you wandered through till you found yourself and suddenly you’re home.
that realisation that home is not a place but a feeling.
*** Beehive is the popular name for the Executive Wing of the New Zealand Parliament Buildings located in the capital, Wellington. An iconic building for Wellingtonians.
There were wave after wave of sadness. Circumstances may not have been my own but caught the best of my state of vulnerability. Death seemed to have lurked around my network and took prey on a friend, friends’ parents, friends’ relatives, friends’ unborn children. These, teamed with my forever-homesickness and piling frustrations from work that brought me in the brink of losing my passion, found me in an emotion where life seemed incomprehensible. I wallowed in sadness. My tears too shallow that even rock song lyrics will make me weep. I was walking onto a ledge called giving up.
But even then i knew sadness is ok. My heart needed to break open from time to time so that life can seep in. It allowed me to take a back seat and appreciate what is in front of me. What i have. Who i have. Where i am. Who i am.
I remembered life was meant to be simple. We are born. We live. We lived (and hopefully leave a good mark).
I began to hear the sounds the world makes again, the breaking waves, the whipping wind, falling rain and chirping birds. A moment as simple as walking along the beach basking under the sun with my four-legged baby became a bliss. I am back to consciously making it a point to spend time with people that makes my heart sing, and made distance never a hurdle with everyone only a video call away. Taking one day at a time to appreciate, to give gratitude, to smile and simply breathe.
Allowing life happen for me, not to me.
I may be feeling in the dark right now. This is simply a reminder that nighttime ain’t too bad and won’t last long, and that it’s not what you have on the outside that glitters in light, it’s what you have on the inside that shines in the dark.
<Wellington LUX is a free public light festival that turns Wellington’s waterfront and laneways into a captivating celebration of light, art, technology and design-http://lux.org.nz>
to me the photo depicts that though we live in a big world where we could have a space each of our own we chose not to, as indeed no man is an island.
sometimes we explore without having to physical move. it is when story’s told and mind meets that great adventure begins. after all our minds are the greatest platform and we are the best director of our lifetime. that is the mere reason why when books are turned into movies, those who have read most often than not get disappointed.
A Stump For A Tail
You can’t buy loyalty, they say
I bought it though, the other day
You can’t buy friendship, tried and true
Well just the same I bought that too
I made my bid, and on the spot
Bought love and faith and
A whole job lot of happiness
So all in all…
The purchase price was pretty small
I bought a single trusting heart
That gave devotion from the start
If you think these things are not for sale
Buy a brown-eyed puppy with a stump for a tail
— unknown author—
sometimes the most effective communication does not include words.
i woke up to a very heartbreaking news, a friend’s sudden passing, gone too soon.
for a moment i was staring at the message, feeling vulnerable, on the verge of weeping
but i was hours away presenting a case study, i’m an anxious public speaker you see
it was a dilemma my hypothalamus had to take charge with
i switch off, and carried on with the day as planned
i am scared of myself whenever that has to happen
i feel detached, i feel like i have a heart of stone
but i am a nurse you see
i’ve seen death, like death was like a box of chocolate (forrest gump, 1994)
and often i’m too swamped with work that i do not have time to process my emotions
its sad i know, but often i have to compartmentalise my feelings
too often i fear i mastered it like its an art
i have never imagine that i would become like my young mommy girlfriends who constantly share and take notes, and surf the net for mommy wonder tips. When my pompom had diarrhoea and vomiting, yahoo and google came handy, i never knew until then what chicken and pumpkin can do to four-legged cuties. This D and V plight by the way was a newbie momma nightmare, Snow and i slept in the couch and i was basically sleepless as i would wake up every time he gags. When he had white froths in his mouth i searched online if there’s an A & E (accident and emergency) for pets that i can bring him to, and thank goodness i found this nearby pet hospital/clinic who had a 24 hours on call service (he did not have to be brought in @ 3am though, i basically just panicked).
Youtube on the other hand is my online classroom for tips on how to help Snow achieve full-blown pawsomeness.
so far the poops and pee situation is in control, i have learned to keep him on a routine. I started bringing him outside for some toiling time. as soon as we wake up, when i arrived from work, before going to bed, and few minutes after feeding (Oh and do you know they do need privacy? he seems to unable to when i am watching hence i have to close the door and let him be for a while). Praising him constantly and giving him treats every time he does the deed outside helped reinforce the good behaviour. Just this week, i noticed him standing by the door few minutes after his chow and when i lead him out he dropped the wee bomb outside! my proud momma moment there.
i am still learning his paw ways and have yet resolve his other issues, or rather my issues. He likes licking and biting my fingers, i let him get away with that as long as he does not bite, he does stop though when i tell “no biting.” But what surprised me was when he started to hump my hand. yep, my dog mounted my hand. My immediate reaction was to laugh (a big no-no by the way) and because i did not know how to react i let him continue. He did the humping again while my friend was around, this time longer and to both of us. Again we laughed and did not know what to do. For a moment we even felt sad thinking that maybe Snow needs a girlfriend (i know i know). I started to turn to Dr. Google and read that it was most likely not sexual and most probably a dominance gesture. He has not done it for a month until yesterday to which i was able to stop him by standing up and going away. After a few minutes i distracted him by playing with him using his toys. It probably didn’t help that we haven’t walk for weeks now due to this wet cold weather. Hopefully this humping tendency won’t become a problem.
as of now, i am just hoping for a better weather, so Snow and i can walk to the park and for me to be able to take decent photos of him.
I grew up with fairy tales. and yes that lead me to believing that love at first sight exist. that true loves kiss awakens the damned. that happily ever after is definite after wedding bells and fireworks displays. simply put i was one of the girls who were set to future disappointments.
no i don’t think chivalry is dead. i am in fact a hopeless romantic. but this is not actually about me.
i am thrilled of how the stories i have founded my romantic bubbles have now been told differently. or at least been told from a different perspective. my favourite as of late is how in Maleficent the prince whom only saw Aurora once could have impossibly developed real love in the shortest impossible time. It is just unrealistic, to me its a case of “like” mistaken as “love.” I am also loving how our perception of good and bad has been played in the story. A reminder that someone so bad was also once good. And what looks scary as a horned villainy is capable of something as good as true love. And did you notice that in Frozen, heroines Elsa and Anna had no need for a prince charming to come to their rescue? if i am not mistaken, they’re the first disney women who did not have the damsel in distress syndrome.
I’m ecstatic with these near to life tales. Makes me wonder how this will shape a girl’s propensity.
the air almost tangible
waiting for rain or snow
the earth is steady
looking up at God
leafy arms lifted like a prayer
like a shade on summer days
that warmth on our hearts on winter nights
a feathered friends nest
as they sing a song
on a tree between the sun’s adieu
and the night’s hello.